It’s important to consistently do things in our relationship that demonstrate care, investment, trust, and commitment. Successful relationships and how we perceive our partners are based on a series of gestures both big and small. You might be surprised to know that it doesn’t take grand gestures to maintain lasting connection. When I work with couples, I help them to make small changes, which done often enough will make a lasting impact. Couples who do small things often and repair conflicts as they arise will create a path towards a more intimate and satisfying relationship.
Conflict is Inevitable for Any Relationship
One of the most important things we can do after a conflict is to be able to process it without getting back into the fight all over again. The goal is to process a fight without getting upset about it. It’s important for both partners to understand that there is no absolute reality in a disagreement. Rather, there are two realities and perspectives. The goal is to talk about what happened as if you were watching it on TV. Going to a qualified therapist will help guide you through productive, communication skills that make processing a fight easier. If you practice some of these small things often each week, you’ll be surprised how quickly positive feelings can grow that will create the close and intimate relationship that you want.
Greetings & Farewells
A concept I discuss with my couples is partings and reunions. The way we part and greet each other day to day plays a role in our sentiment towards our partner. Prior to parting in the morning, spend 5 minutes talking with your partner and discuss what’s on the agenda for the day, including one interesting thing that he/she might experience. Remember to say goodbye with a kiss or hug that lasts at least 6 seconds. This will yield positive sentiment that will last throughout the day until you reunite. Remember to show affection like kissing, holding, and touching each other whenever possible.
Building a Loving and Trusting Relationship
Additionally, sharing admiration and appreciation is part of building a loving and trusting relationship. Maintaining a loving relationship requires action and expression. It’s not enough to have kind thoughts about your partner; it’s really important to say them out loud. Doing this helps build a loving foundation of respect and connection. Share something about your partner’s personality and when your partner demonstrated that characteristic. For example: “I love that you are so (kind, thoughtful), especially last night when you brought cat food to our neighborhood stray cat”. Make an effort to catch your partner doing something “right” and say thanks for it. Send an email or text during the day to let your partner know that you are thinking about her or him.
You Can Have the Relationship You Want
If you are struggling to connect with your partner, I’m here for you. I know it’s not always easy to take a step back from what’s going on, and that’s where couples counseling comes in. Whether you are dating, engaged, or married, therapy can help you gain the skills to improve your relationship and find that spark again. Contact me online to schedule your free 15-minute consultation.
